A Thousand Words
by Aragorn
Summary: A look can hold so much meaning...


Title: A Thousand Words (1/1)  
Author: Giles  
Timeline: End of Graduation Day Pt II  
Author's Notes: Angel's POV. Companion piece to "A Picture's Worth"  
Distribution: Take it. Please let me know where it goes, though.  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: If it's not too much trouble when you write feedback to me, could you please consider these few questions:  
1)Were you ever bored with the piece?  
2)If so, where?  
3)Do you think I identified well with the characters?  
4)Was there any point at which you said to yourself "Oh, come on!"  
5)Was there any point at which you found your mind wandering?  
6)If so, could you tell me where?  
7)Were there any parts where you felt confused?  
8)Were there any parts you had to read twice or more (due to confusion?)  
9)Is there anything you're still wondering about?   
10)What, in your opinion, could be done to improve the piece?  
DISCLAIMER: The usual yadah yadah. Joss owns all except the chosen lyrics. "Just Walk Away" is Copyright 1993 Celine Dion and Columbia Records.  
  
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So the mayor is dead and the battle is over. And what a battle it was, too.  
We lost too much in the way of good potential. We won, and we paid a heavy price for our victory.  
And none of us who did survive would have if not for the woman I love.  
Ah, Buffy! I wish that things were different! But wishing won't make my curse go away, and nor will it remove the fact that I have to leave you, leave Sunnydale, for both our own goods. For the general good of Sunnydale.  
I walk through the desolation that was Sunnydale High.  
Wow. Quite a mess you've created here, haven't you? In its way it's almost poetic. Something along the lines of, "Come, Mayor, let me slay thee, for thou art evil and cannot be allowed to live."  
I notice with a small smile Wesley being carried away on a stretcher, whining as usual. Why do I get the distinct feeling I've not seen the last of him?  
My feet know better where to go than my brain, and I'm drawn to the road near where Wesley is being loaded into an ambulance.  
"Fire bad. Tree pretty." I recognize the voice at once. Every single inflection, every little nuance. I know the voice, perhaps, better than my own. More than anything, I feel the tiredness and pain in that voice. My heart aches to go toward her voice, soothe her pains and ease her tiredness. I stop when I hear Giles say, "Understandable. Well, when it's working again, congratulate it on a good campaign. You did well."  
"Thank you. I will," she replies.  
I hear Giles pause. I can almost see him struggling to find the words he wants. "I uh, ferreted this out of the wreckage. It may not interest you but I'd say you earned it." Another small pause. "There's a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity bordering on predestination, one might say."  
"Fire bad. Tree pretty," Buffy says simply. Sometimes she has the most wonderful way of summarizing the most complex ideas into simple words.  
"Yes, sorry," says Giles. "I'll go find Wesley. See if he's still whimpering."  
I feel almost guilty about listening in on their conversation.  
I have to get moving. I don't know where to, but as long as it's not here. I want to leave before she gets a chance to stop me, before I have to chance to let her stop me.  
Maybe New York, maybe Los Angeles, maybe Mexico, maybe Dublin. Just not here.  
As I move around the fire-trucks, my feet slow to a halt. My soul is tearing me apart. I cannot leave her like this, without letting her know at least that I survived the battle. At least, that's what I tell myself. I know deep within that it is to secure in my own heart that she is fine. To allow my soul to remain still in the knowledge that she is all right.  
And so I stand there in the road, drinking in what glimpse of her I can, letting my heart and soul sip their fill Ours is not to be, my love, as much as I would it were so!  
My soul, a blessing and a curse at once, reaches for you, aches for you, yearns for you.  
I feel your soul respond. It was always thus between us, wasn't it? Our souls knew each other long before either of us knew each other.  
Ah, your beautiful, beautiful face! I see your eyes drinking in the vision of me as surely as my eyes sup of the vision of you. I want to run to you, love, to hold you, comfort you, tell you that everything will be fine. Tell you that our future lives together is assured. That we are forever. That no force on earth or off it will ever separate us.  
But that would be a lie.  
I love you, Buffy. I love you so much I would rather leave than let you get hurt.Please try to understand, Buffy.  
For the first time in my life, I care more for someone else than myself. And that caring is dangerous. I cannot care. I am not permitted to care. To care would mean happiness. Happiness means the death of Angel and the rebirth of Angelus. And I cannot allow Angelus to roam free. Angelus hates you with the same intensity that I love you.  
Please try to understand.  
I must leave. My staying would only prolong the pain, and G*d knows, you've felt enough pain. Had I the power, I would remove your pain, salve over all your scars with love. But for me, loving you means happiness, and that connot be.  
Please understand.  
My sould bleeds for you. Fate has dealt us a cruel hand! We're soul mates, Buffy. I know that as surely as I know that someday, someday we will be reunited in happiness. I will not stop until I find a way for us to be together forever. We are meant to be, Buffy. Just not now.  
Please.  
Let me go, now. I want to stay. I desperately ache to stay.  
Understand.  
I will be back. I leave my heart here in your care. I will come back to claim it some day. Just not now.  
I love you.  
We're forever, Buffy.  
Forever.  
With pure force of will, I tear my eyes away from those of the one person in all creation that I love above any other, yet am not allowed to love. With agonizing deliberateness that wounds me beyond any stake, I slowly turn and walk. Each step hurts more than a thousand hells. Each movement that takes me away from you stabs my soul, leaving it a poorer version of what it once was.  
I almost turn back. How I long to once more hold you in my arms! Just to tell you that everything will be fine. But were I once more in your arms I could never leave.  
And so I go. I will come claim my heart again, Buffy. Please believe.  
Please understand.  
I love you.  
I will remember you.  
  
"I know I never loved this way before  
And no one else has loved me more  
With you I've laughed and cried  
I have lived and died  
What I wouldn't do, just to be with you  
I know I must forget you tomorrow  
I can't hold back my tears too long  
Though life won't be the same  
I've got to tell the brain  
And find the strength I need  
To let you go  
Just walk away  
Just say goodbye  
Don't turn around now  
You can't see me cry  
I mustn't fall apart  
Assure my broken heart  
All the love I feel for you  
So walk away  
Close the door  
And let my life be  
As it was before  
I'll never never know  
Just how to let you go  
There's nothing left to say, just walk away.."  
  
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End file.
